Day 2

“Burrrrrrr…Reddick“

6:40a
25 hours, 40 minutes down
214 hours, 20 minutes left…

I was supposed to be up at five. Not even close. Just too damn cold outside. 47 degrees on the last day of April? In New York? Who said Global Warming could take vacation this year?

Shivering now. Last night too. I read somewhere that it’s because your blood circulation slows down from a lack of food. Yeah, I guess. I mean cayenne pepper does stimulate blood circulation. But 47 degrees will always be cold to me — whether food is involved or not.

Remember to shake in more cayenne pepper today. Check.

Let’s see, my tongue looks like an albino chia pet and my breath reeks of rotten chicken.

I won’t show you, but one of those tiny, hard pimples the size of a pebble sprouted on the inside of my lower lip. This one shot pain into my head as soon as my tongue discovered it and the other one wedged between my cheek and gum.

But these are mere trivia to my hunger. My pangs have grown into a constant aching roar bellowing from the pit of my stomach churning and sucking all the way up to the bottom of my throat. I know everything’s supposed to get better on Day 3, but Day 2 is kicking my damn ass.

Breathe….Just push through this moment.

This can’t kill you.

This won’t kill me.

I’m not gonna die…

Allright.

Day 3 is today’s goal. Day 3 is when the health “benefits” of the MC kick into gear. All the “buzzing energy” … “magnetic skin glow” … “extreme clarity of thought” … “rapid fat loss in the mid-section area”…

Allegedly. We’ll see when and if I make it that far.

Right about now it’s time to make my first batch of the dreaded salt water flush (“SWF“). The natural liquid drano that will rinse me clean from top to bottom in less than an hour.

I have to add 2 rounded teaspoons of sea salt (not table ~ no iodine allowed!) to

1 quart or 4 cups of “lukewarm” filtered or distilled water.

Mix.

Gulp, guzzle or slurp down as fast as you can (speed is crucial to clear out your entire internal plumbing system).

…I held my nose all the way through.

Surpress your gag reflex and let it rip. The saltwater equals the weight of your blood so it just passes through you, dragging all the toxic sludge on the way out. DON’T, and I mean don’t wander too far from an available bathroom with a minimum of ambiance. You’ll taking up residence within 15 minutes to a half hour to release flowing floodwaters of filth.

I boiled 1 cup of filtered water and folded it into 2 cups of chilled filtered H2O from the fridge. I finger tested the temp and then added room temp water from the spigot attachment on the sink until I made 4 cups. 18 minutes of water balloon-itis later, I felt the familiar gurgling sickness and grabbed my latest and scurried off to make my offering to the throne.

The first time was solid, lumpy splashes of brown fudge that smelled like 20-year old lettuce.

Round 2 (4 minutes later). started lumpy and dissolved into a liquid tar spray that painted the entire bowl black…Exactly.

Rounds 3 & 4 – 5 minutes after round 2 and about 6 minutes apart were each looser and lighter in color and consistency.

The rest (about 9 all together) got progressively yellower and hotter, as in ring around the rug burn on my butthole. I blotted with a wet wad of toilet paper and then ransacked the medicine cabinet for any kind of medicated ointment…nada. I started a “things to pick up a Duane Reade” list immediately.

Then I drank a glass of cool, filtered water, made 7 cups of MC, showered, shaved and headed to work.

For the moment, eating was the farthest thing from my mind.

7:15p

Fading fast by the time I got home so I made up a fresh glass of MC. My last of the night. I trying to cut down on the last night visits to the pissoir. I’d consider keeping a piss bucket by the bed for convenience but I could easily miss in the dark and then there’s Carlos my curious cat to think about…

I’ve decided to just drink the SM tea at night and then do the SWF in the mornings from here on out. Drinking SM tea in the morning gives me cramps throughout the day.

I’d rather swig down the SWF and have it all over and done with before I leave out for work.

This is getting to be like a full time job … one without benefits.